To My Darling Mum, Tess

March 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm | Posted in Children, family, love, motherhood | Leave a comment
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Dear Mum,

We’ve not always seen eye to eye, have we? And I think that as well as having very different ideas about raising children sometimes, we clash in so many other ways: I can think of nothing lovelier than a holiday filled with history, bookshops and shopping; you would rather sun worship on a Florida beach for two weeks. I love to cook and have enough cookbooks to cook something different every day for the rest of my life. Yet I must have inherited this from your mum, Cicely Hannah, because dad does all the cooking in your house. In other food news, garlic to me is as essential as salt; to you, it means vampires, crucifixes and halitosis.

Then again, you keep all your receipts and diligently note all your transactions; I check my bank balance as often as I go to church, and might as well gamble my money away. I have an English degree, but you are much better at crosswords than I will ever be. You singlehandedly raised my sister and my brother when their dad lost interest; I, on the other hand, have a fantastic support network of you, dad and Asher to help me raise Jude.

So mum, on this day of all days, I take my metaphorical hat off to you and raise a G and T: your life has been so much harder than mine, and yet here you are, sacrificing a quiet childhood to watch Bob the Builder and play Cor Blimey with your youngest grandson. Mum, I love you so much and am eternally grateful to you for your love in return.

Love,

Amy Jessica

I wasn’t looking, but somehow you found me…

March 1, 2012 at 5:39 am | Posted in insomnia, internet | 1 Comment
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Well, I can’t sleep, which is not unusual for me of late. However, unusually, I’m not working till 1315 tomorrow (or, erm, today), so we’re not exactly in long dark night of the soul territory.

This post on search terms comes to you after I read a similar post by this blogger (she’s a great writer and you should all follow her). Anyway, it made me think about the bizarre search terms which have lead people to my blog, amongst the more mundane involving my name and the blog name. Here’s a selection:

1) How do you know if a girly girl is in love with a man – mate, you’re asking the wrong woman, for I am not a girly girl. You will not find me in the kitchen slaving away baking heart-shaped buns, nor will you see me buy baby pink accessories for my vehicle.

2) Lolita porn – well, you seem to have stumbled across the wrong sort of website! Yes, I’ve made a reference to Lolita in a previous post, and I appreciate that this blog is called Sugar Baby Love. But that is after the kitsch 70s song, not a website where ladies of the night contort themselves in many and varied ways.

3) Motherhood prefab sprout – I have discussed both motherhood and Prefab Sprout. Why someone would decide to search those two things together, however, I have no idea.

4) Half siblings in love – must we go there? Let me clarify: I blogged about half siblings, not incest.

5) Eastenders lady with one nostril – I think this one might be my favourite.

6) Sugar baby wanted in Florida – honey, I am always wanted in Florida. But I suspect that wasn’t what you were looking for, was it?

7) Joy division baby love – ooh, that would have made an interesting cover.

8) Homemade sex tapes damien and “theresa” – I don’t even know a Damien or a Theresa, let alone whether or not they film themselves in flagrante.

9) Shugar baby love – you need to learn to spell.

10) Slut – nice.

11) Is Sweden really as gender phobic as Stieg Larsson indicates – in my experience, no. And I don’t think he suggests that in his books, incidentally.

12) Bergerac centre – do please tell me as soon as this is established. I feel very strongly that we need a Centre for Bergerac Studies.

13) How make dleray woman baby – I know the ‘dleray’ in question and I have no idea why someone would search this.

14) Sugar baby small town – good song title.

15) Pirt girl – they’re either genuinely looking for a female Pirt. Or they can’t spell.

16) Annie Wilkes birthday cake – let me guess: it’s got Liberace and a penguin on it.

Fascinating, eh?

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