Always Crashing in the Same Car

February 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm | Posted in depression | Leave a comment
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I’m feeling down again. It always creeps up slowly, then I gradually realise how empty I feel. It actually manifests itself physically: I can feel a void in my stomach, and I don’t know what the hell to do about it.

As a pragmatic, problem-solving person, I always try to rationalise why I’m feeling this way, and I always come to the same conclusion: I have neither a right nor a reason to feel like this.

But this week, I don’t have to search hard for reasons. I am leaving my lovely shop, for example, and I may never work there again. I may never spend a morning in the windowless cash office, nor serve the lady who collects the Olympic 50ps. I may never again encounter the freezing wind tunnel by Next en route to the car park. I may never again have a cigarette in the service yard, watching the ambulances speeding by and thinking of Philip Larkin.

I am also sad, because I thought that my son would be waiting for me at home. Instead, he is at his other home, with his other grandmother, even though they are about to spend two whole weeks together.

I don’t want a pity party: honestly. So here are some photos of, to quote my best friend’s sister’s tattoo, the reasons to ‘celebrate’ my life.

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Que sera sera…..

January 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm | Posted in love, music, relationships, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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….and here is the antidote to earlier’s cheerless tunes. Doris never fails to sort me out, but in her absence, here are some other fabulous offerings:

1) Pulp, ‘Naked’. One line in this never fails to crack me up. You know the one.

2) David Bowie, ‘Modern Love’. The sentiment is unfailingly refreshing, and the tempo is gloriously 80s.

3) Hole, ‘Celebrity Skin’. Such a song to sing your heart out to.

4) Elbow, ‘One Day Like This’. For making me want to get up in the morning.

5) MGMT, ‘Kids’. Just for being amazing.

To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die….

January 16, 2012 at 10:09 am | Posted in depression, music | Leave a comment
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….uplifting tunes for Britain’s Bluest Monday. Sit back, pour yourself a gin and tonic and practise positive visualisation.

1) Johnny Cash, ‘Hurt’. Does everyone you love go away in the end? Then listen to this song.

2) The Carpenters, ‘Goodbye to Love’. Or in fact anything by The Carpenters; Karen’s melancholy vocals are enough to make anyone reach for the razor.

3) Joy Division, ‘ Love Will Tear Us Apart’. Perfect for the tragic bedsit romance.

4) David Bowie, ‘Quicksand’. For knowledge comes with ‘death’s release’, apparently.

5) Lou Reed, Berlin. Purely for the crying child.

That’s all. Don’t be too sad.

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